They may later move on to the hard swap if they feel comfortable. They might want to test the waters to see if they can really do it without any jealousy or negative feelings. Some people ease into swinging with the soft swap. But swinging is ultimately about swapping partners. In some instances, women (or men!) explore with members of the same sex in front of their partners. You’ll have sex with one partner (typically a guy, but that’s not always the case) while your lover partners off with that guy’s partner. But a soft swap stops short of penetration, usually including manual stimulation, flirting, caressing, kissing and potentially oral sex. A hard swap includes all sorts of sexual activities, including intercourse.

In swinging, you have the hard swap (or full swap) and the soft swap. One thing you can try to see if you’ll like swinging is the soft swap Specifying rules is one way to make swinging more comfortable for you and your partner, especially if you feel hesitant to try ethical non-monogamy.